WE DID IT AND YOU CAN TOO!
On Semptember 7, 2002 I quit smoking with
my friend Dominique. I smoked alot less than her pack a day habit but
we both decided to quit together. We went on the nicotine patch to combat
the cravings. It wasn't easy and sometimes we were as bitchy as two gerbils
in a cage with a bad case of PMS during a heatwave with no cable tv and
poorly fitting shoes! But after a few weeks we started to feel better
and didn't need the patch anymore. We started going on longer and longer
walks and feel so much better now!
While we were smoking we looked like this! Yuck! We were one
stinky ugly looking bunch of addicted monkeys!
Now we are glowing
and glistening with healthiness! Yumm! We are looking good!
we have saved
$ /100 dollars
since we quit smoking!
That ain't chump change, chumps!
Be smart...quit now and buy cool fun stuff!
DON'T SMOKE! YOU AREN'T A CHIMNEY!
of the money you will save by not having to buy tobacco, lighters, ashtrays,
matches etc. No more standing in line at the corner store behind all the
other losers buying smokes, lottery tickets and king cans of beer!
Your costs for cleaning clothes, carpets, and furniture will go down because
you don't constantly smell like a wet bathmat on a campfire! Your clothes
last longer because you won't be constantly washing them to remove the
stench of a 3am death tavern!
Your sense of taste and smell will be enhanced so everything is so much
sweeter. You don't have to chew so much gum to hide the fact that your
breath smells like some troll who lives under the autoroute!You will enjoy
your food so much more...when you add some Chipotle Tobasco sauce to your
eggs it will taste freakin' great! You won't have to soak everything in
salt and ketchup and MSG just to taste something!
You will look and
feel younger! Notice how all smokers are looking like a cow's ass chap!
Plus you can walk up a hill and ride your bike further and your new bedroom
mojo will turn your partner on like a 500 watt lavasexlamp!
Smoking causes wrinkling
and the appearance of premature aging so by quitting you avoid looking
like an old yellow kleenex!
No more yellow teeth or fingers - that is just plain disgusting.
You'll feel proud of your ability to overcome something so challenging
and to free yourself from the slavery of being chained to a murderous
tobacco industry that wants your money and kills you while you give it
to them! Cigarettes will no longer control your life and it's fun to mock
and ridicule smokers who are having phlegm filled coughing fits!
You will be setting a great example for children and be more like a role
model and less like of a vile plaguelike cretin!
No need to worry about which restaurant you go to or whether you can smoke
in a particular place because you can go anywhere and remain calm and
focused without getting the heebiejeebies and having to stumble outside
to spank the monkey!
No more nagging from people asking when you're going to quit because now
you can bitch to your friends and family about their smoking and
that, baby, is some Sweet Poetic Justice!
Yeah that's right ... now I'm like a crazy Lee Marvin Cigarette Nazi hopped
up on cheap pharmeceuticals! DEAL WITH IT!